In conversation with my better self

It is another Monday morning, Kabir is all ready for his office, formally dressed in an ironed checked shirt tucked in formal black pants, carries his laptop bag and leaves for his office. Confined within his territory, he spends his precious eight hours in front of his office laptop and returns home, has dinner with his family, does some preparations for the next day and is off to bed. And another Tuesday, …  Weekend night party, one more week is over. 

On weekends Kabir takes out his old guitar from his closet, tunes its strings, plays some melodious tunes in the hope of getting in tune with the self and then gently keeps it back in its place. Kabir is a sincere, hard-working employee, loving husband, and responsible father. He performs all his duties with honesty. Things are going pretty well in life. Just once in a while, he would sneak peek at his college photographs where he is seen as a carefree person, casually dressed, and carrying the attitude of a king, playing guitar with his band, he is not playing the guitar but has become one with it. 

 At times he is seen shedding away dirt from his awards, won at various musical competitions. There is something unanswered, unopened, unsettled, and untuned within him, that he has constantly been ignoring for years. He always wanted to become a musician but to his fate, he ended up as an engineer. The musician within feels trapped and wants to come out. 

One evening he returned exhausted from work and collapsed in his bed. He hears a voice in his dream, “ Hi Kabir, it’s been so long, you haven’t come to see me. I am desperately waiting for you. I know you are dissatisfied and restless then why are you still cemented there? What is stopping you from coming to my place”? It was the voice of his imaginary better self.

 “Whenever I gather the courage to walk to your place, the fear of losing behind all that I have accumulated over the years, grabs my legs and impedes my progress”, answers Kabir. Kabir further adds “I have a secure job here, I don’t have to worry about paying my bills, or my children’s school fees”. I don’t frown when the petrol/diesel prices hike. I don’t bother about the airfare before planning any trip. I don’t have sleepless nights because of my  EMIs and loans. Sailing in a safe boat, I guess. Why should I jump to explore the ocean and take the risk of drowning? My family’s safety is ensured and they are very happy and satisfied with me.

“Have things been ideal, we were not having this conversation”. You would have never imagined me in the first place. Don’t suppress your inner calling,  You can never grow and change for better unless you acknowledge your pain. Once you have acknowledged your pain and addressed it with the right action,  the doors of your growth open up for you. Even if you don’t know what the right action is, at least take some action that paves the path to the right action”. the better self advises.

“Yes, you are right. Maybe I am trying to cease the voice of my consciousness that desires real growth and progress, by fallaciously feeding it with external comfort. But the path to you is not fluid. It’s full of unpredictable obstacles and without any signboards. Many times, I got lost midway and returned wounded and empty-handed. Is there any shortcut to reach you”? Kabir asks

 “Shortcuts never yield profound results. Your enemies- fear, greed and laziness will strangle you the moment you try to leave your comfort zone but you’ll have to win over them with your swords of courage and determination. You’ll have to walk through the deep jungle before you get bathed with sunshine. The reason for your not jumping in the ocean is not the risk of drowning but rather the much-needed effort of swimming to the shore. The hidden pearl will never come floating to you, you will have to dive down and claim it.

   Comfort and satisfaction are like the two banks of a river they never meet. You could either be comfortable carrying a pain of dissatisfaction within or you could be content after swimming through the pain of discomfort. The choice is yours. But mind you it’s a never-ending journey as there is no climax of perfection. The moment you meet me a new destination will be waiting for you”, words of the better self.

Nine months later…

Kabir Kabir… His name is echoing in the auditorium, and there he is owning the stage, and his audience being the witness of a divine union of a soul with its true love.